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Dear Ex

lone_travisNov. 27th, 2013 11:15 pm Throwback Thanksgiving

I want to wish all of my Live Journal friends & family a Happy Thanksgiving. To those both living and to those no longer with us on this plain. May this be the best Thanksgiving for you and yours. Tomorrow will be another Happy Thanksgiving for me and believe me when I say that they have all been Happy Thanksgivings since that wretched pill popping bitch has been out of my life. For this and this alone I am thankful.

My Ex ruined every damned holiday possible, are you happy? Are you satisfied Bitch? My Ex was so pilled up that if you shook her she would rattle. She would cackle at my pain every God damned holiday. Thanksgivings were particularly the worst. Do you think this Bitch would actually cook a Thanksgiving meal? She couldn't even boil water properly! She couldn't cook, she was a slob who wouldn't clean. This is what I ended up with in my life, a nicotine huffing, booze hound who would call the cops on me each and every damned holiday. She was a sneaky rotten Bitch who always flipped the switch on me. This Bitch would call the cops because she blamed me for everything. I'll never forget the last Thanksgiving I had with her... it was a nightmare.

I was doing the cooking, of course, and she was drinking some cheap gin and her stinking mother was going to come over for Thanksgiving turkey. Guess who bought the turkey and all the damn trimmings? Ol' reliable that's who. Me. As always. This bitch couldn't rub two dimes together. What a disaster this woman was, and all I could remember is her cackling in my ear as I cooked Thanksgiving turkey, all damned day I was the victim to her bitching and moaning. So I got fed up, I lost it. I was so disgusted with her that I grabbed her by the hair and tried shoving her head in the over with the turkey. I remember telling her to shut the hell up, asking her "please just shut the hell up"! I pleaded with this cunt but she wouldn't cease to run her motor mouth. She kept on and on with her heartless put downs and unpleasant thought put into words spewing out her poison. I refused to take anymore of it. I stood up against her scum and filth talk. I grabbed her by the hair and dragged her over to the oven and opened the oven door and said, "Get the fuck in there with the bird you heartless Bitch.... burn with that bird you stinking Bitch"!

Then she got loose and ran into the bedroom and locked the door so I couldn't add her to the Thanksgiving menu. She called the cops and the flat foots were ringing the bell and banging on the stinking door as if the world was coming to an end. She ran out into the hall once I opened the door for the cops. She should have won a academy award the way she was belly aching and crying and pleading with the cops. She said I became violent. That's violent? Cry me a fucking river Honey. Then the cops questioned me, they asked how she got the black eye. I couldn't believe they were trying to make me out to be some screwball or something. I said, "How the hell do I know how she got a black eye? This bitch ran straight into the doorknob as she fled to the bedroom."

Through her crocodile tears she called me a liar and they allowed her to get a bag of clothes and leave. The next morning I woke up and that stinking turkey was still sitting in the oven.... of course I turned off the over but I let that damned turkey sit in there to rot. I had no intention of eating a turkey I was cooking for that heartless bitch and her dopey drunken good for nothing mother. Hey, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, my Ex wasn't worth much and couldn't even satisfy my everyday needs. You couldn't even hold a conversation with this pill head. She was a suck job at best and not much else. I am so thankful she's out of my life and she's probably ruining someone else's life this Thanksgiving. God help the poor bastard who is dealing with her stinking cigarette breath this Thanksgiving because I know I did my time in Hell with that bitch.

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lone_travisDec. 26th, 2011 05:17 pm Finally Christmas Is Over. Thank God.

Dear Ex

I'm not about to whine and get all teary eyed over the former love of my life, instead I'm going to tell it like it is, I'm a straight shooter, always have been and always will be. Marine here. I'm not about to become a phony sniffling sissy now, so don't expect a tear jerker story coming from this guy.

For the majority of people I guess Christmas time is a joyful time that is spent with family and friends but for me Christmas always reminds me of my ex. The life we once had and the life we thought that we would have... we had dreams of carving a place together in this world that we could call our own and create a home and grow old together. It never happened and I'll tell you why, because this stinking selfish bitch was never satisfied, it was never good enough for this rotten bitch. I'll never forget that Christmas night when the  shit hit the fan and she threatened to leave and demanded the house and other possessions that were ours... of course I was one one who paid for it all, this lazy bitch didn't know what a fucking job was, all she did was pop pills and drink like a fish. She was so stuffed with pills that if I picked her up and shook her she would rattle. Well, that Christmas nightmare is etched in my brain forever and there isn't enough booze or nyquil that can erase the wretched memory. Her tantrum nearly wrecked the place, the tree got knocked over and it looked like a tornado hit the house. The cops were called and the stupid flat foots knew the drill, they knew our address just as well as they knew the addresses to the neighborhood donut shops. Let's just say the flat foots were familiar with our place, get my drift? On this occasion, Christmas night of all nights, she wrecked the place pretty damn bad and the cops started harassing me why it was that her eye was swollen and closed shut black and blue. I told 'em the dumb bitch ran into a door knob and they bought it and left. That was the last night I ever talked to the rotten bitch. It's been sixteen years since that cursed Christmas night and it still seems like yesterday. I'm just grateful that she is out of my life and that Christmas is finally over... thank God.

Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

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love_is_colderApr. 27th, 2010 06:12 pm

To My Ex Lover,

It has been over 2 months since I have seen your face or heard your voice, & I am just barely realizing that you & I will never again have a conversation. Never again will I feel your touch. & I don't ache for you at all... Not the real you, at least. To say I don't ache at all would be a complete lie. I admit, at times, my heart aches for the comfort of delusion you provided, because that is really what you were... a fucking delusion that I loved. You were like a beautiful hallucination. At times I long for that bliss again, despite the sheer nonsensicality of it all. But it was bliss just the same. Bliss need not be "valid". That's one of the things I learned from you.

I was [usually] aware that you were merely a delusion, but I didn't give a fuck. I was just living for the thrill of the moment, not giving a thought to the painful consequences of reality. Since you have been gone, I have had to seek that crazy bliss all on my own. It is not quite the same. But it gets me through... like a swallow of water in a desert. Not enough to truly hydrate, but enough to sustain life... for now.

Sometimes, at night, I remember the warmth of your embrace & it helps me sleep. But it is not really "you" I am thinking of anymore... Rather, it is an illusion, a mere shadow of who you used to be that I dream of in the darkness now. I don't think of your face, your voice, or anything about "you". That would hurt... Rather, it is more like a phantom I dream of now. I dream of the phantom's embrace, whose aura is scented vaguely like your own, & am comforted just enough to last another night.

What drew me to you in the 1st place was your insanity. Because I saw you as a "good crazy". You know, the type of person who lives for the moment. The type of person who could be hanging off a cliff & be laughing hysterically at the same time. I loved how you lived on the edge. You were always ready to die... & die happily you would have. You inspired me to run out into that darkness, into the unknown. Your way of leaving everything behind inspired me. How many of your life stories were true & how many were fictionalized, I will never know. But your way of living in the moment & on the edge inspired me so fucking much... so much that I finally gathered the courage to leave you.

No one can truly have that "good crazy" side without also having a bit of the old "bad crazy" as well. Fortunately, I channel my bad crazy side through music, movement, & momentum. But the bad side of your insanity was not just bad, it was fucking terrible. Your rage was destructive, mindless, & all-consuming at times. I guess after having your brains blasted to Hell in Iraq, & having had an alcoholic of a father, & a weak broken pitiful mess of a mother, you felt you had a right. Your story is a pathetic cliche, but tragic all the same. I tried to be there for you. But long before you met me, you were determined to fail.

I think you resented me for trying to instill the courage to dream in you. You did not see the purpose. But I did... I believed in you. Maybe because I was crazy too. But still, I genuinely believed in you, & whether you know it or not, I think you resented me for believing in you, loving you, & for trying to embark us on a more promising path.

After I left you, I spent many days & nights along the shore. Absorbing the quiet roar of the ocean, as the glowing moon followed me no matter where I walked. I knew somewhere out there, you were also gazing at that moon, because you were never one to resist lunacy. So from now on, whenever I gaze at the full moon, I will know that you are watching me as well, from somewhere behind that silver orb.

As much as I miss the lunacy of the bliss & the beautiful delusions we shared, I DON'T MISS the way you screamed at me. The way you took the pain of your entire life out on me. The way you blamed the failure of your dreams on me. I DON'T MISS the way you forever unburdened your childhood pain & Full-Metal-Jacket-war-stories onto me, never realizing that your pain became my pain. & I carried those burdens for you because I loved you. But trying to help you carry those burdens just fucked me over. & I don't miss being a slave to your neurosis.

I DON'T MISS the way you stared angry at me sometimes, as if the sight of me made you sick. I don't miss your cracked up family! I DON'T MISS your accusing text messages & phone calls in the dead of night, where you ranted in all capital letters about how I HAVE KILLED YOUR HEART & SOUL. I don't miss your childish violence -- the lame attempts of an impotent man to prove himself virile. I don't miss your fucking apologies, your tears of sorrow & remorse, all in selfish effort. I don't miss your constant requests for head... because I don't suck cock for a guy who treats me like shit. I don't miss the way you weakened me. The way you depleted my self-esteem until I truly believed you were the best I could do.

The fact that I actually recognized the female cop the last time the neighbors called the police on you was a blatant sign that I have a problem. Because it seems I kept trying to indirectly commit suicide through relationships. The fact that I am probably in a police file somewhere as being the victim of numerous domestic disputes does not do me proud. It fills me with shame.

I remember the last day I spent with you. You were in the other room, breaking down the doors, screaming about how I was such an evil bitch. I don't why, because I always tried to treat you well. I was faithful. I gave you foot massages. Well, that last day, I was crying on the floor. Bashing my head in. I was dying. As I was crying on the floor, I thought to myself, "I can either stay here & die because of him. Or I can leave. & If I die, at least it will because of me..." & Somehow I mustered the strength to stand, to look you in the eye & tell you I hated you, & that I wasn't coming back. Somehow [I still don't fucking know] I managed to leave, & to keep on going.

I RELEASE YOU. Run wild, run free... It has taken me long enough to be able to do this... But I release you. I release you so you can no longer hold power over me. I release you so you can be free. I release you so I can be free. I will allow myself to cry, to feel, to remember... But I release you from my desire, my idealism. I will never know you again.

I will remember you both well & badly. I will remember you accurately, no matter how much it hurts. You have forever changed me. You have made me more free to live in the moment. You have made me more free to live on the edge. In fact, I don't even feel right unless I am on the edge. You have made me dangerous & impulsive & crazy & beautiful all at once. You have made my soul older & sadder. I will never fear Death again.

I cannot change the past. You left permanent scars on me. So for that, I will extract every ounce of "good crazy" I fucking can from the experience, & smile every time I remember the pain. You have wholly fucked me over. I know I must have done the same to you.

& so, ex lover, this is my last goodbye to you, as I kiss your shadow good night...


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maggie_xxApr. 1st, 2009 12:18 am Beautiful Bruises.

(A poem for my beautiful ex boy who broke my heart in two).

I yearn for your touch now, more than ever
I crave the sight of you
I'm not ready to end this endeavor
I love how you leave me bruised.

how wondrous it feels to be marked by you
the beautiful colours on my skin
blending together, purple, yellow, blue
draw feelings of awe from within.

your hard and delicate touch
on my shoulder, my thighs, my mind
I long for those bruises so much
of your enchantment they remind.

I'll never again have the delight
of seeing your irreplaceable face
your mouth so cruel and your eyes so bright
no one can replace.

these beautiful bruises fading
but never the memory of you,
though it was you who was betraying
I thirst for nobody new.


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tswithtammysmthMar. 30th, 2009 04:54 pm Contact me

Have questions? Want to be anonymous? Well send me your questions. It is safe and your identify will not be given out. If your question is chosen it will be posted to </a></b></a>tswithtammysmth along with a response. A private response will also follow. All topics are welcome. From the weird to the norm, fetishes, fun, family or just a person to vent to. Visit me here on LJ or email me at   T.S.with TammySmith@gmail.com


Current Mood: calmcalm

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mranybodyMar. 28th, 2009 09:32 pm This is too hard

GOD I dont know if i can do this...i was fine until she called and all i could do was lose it now im sitting in the house we helped build and freaking out.She told me she doesnt want me to do anything stupid.FUCK ME!! i already did i threw it all away and now i have nothing.Shit thats why im forced to say this shit on LJ for god sakes.FUCK what was i thinking im such an idiot....I cant stop crying and smoking and i dont want to do this anymore....

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mbullitt21Feb. 12th, 2009 07:31 pm Dear Ex

You were not only my lover but also my best friend. I am lost without you. My heart has been broken into a million tiny pieces. I've apologized, I've cried, I've begged and pleaded. You can not find it in yourself to forgive me like the many times I have forgiven you. You have cut me to the very core and my soul lies bleeding now. I pray to god at night and beg for death. I cannot go on like this much longer.

Current Mood: crushedcrushed

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mangadadFeb. 10th, 2009 10:50 am dear slut

ahy sid u do that?
u too ym rarestt mangas and burned them then u too my children and moved to alaska nwo i will never see then and they will grow up to listen to negro music and attack innocent people!

cant u see wat ure doing to them u and ure negroe husband

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yshudicare515Feb. 1st, 2009 01:51 am something about us

Dearest Lily,
i love you still, i dont know why, it wasnt even that big of a deal to you, and yet you are what i think of every waking moment, the bane of my existence you be, and i cant move forward, how i desire to walk with you again with our hands together in the city and how i desire to kiss you again, i dream of you, asleep or not, and since i know you have a taste for everything that isnt me here is my letter to you. im trying to move on, and yet it cant, i would call you right now if i could who cares if its 2am, i wanna let you know ill be there for you. well im glad this is therapeutic, if you, the girl of my dreams happened to read this, know i love you, but you know that already, you can probably tell every time i look into your eyes.

your secret exlover

Current Music: something about us-DP

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jerseydvl137faJan. 28th, 2009 04:00 am dear b

i just woke up from 4 hours of sleep. i had a dream you kissed me and took me back. i was so happy and relieved in the dream and god did it feel real. my heart sank incredibly low when i woke up and realized it was just a dream. i wished it was real so badly

Current Mood: crushedcrushed

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