Log in

   Journal    Friends    Archive    Profile    Memories
  Single AND Happy |

Dear Ex

jerseydvl137faJan. 28th, 2009 03:57 am dear b

i just got back from leave this morning and all i could do was think about you. i love you more than anything and theres this huge void with out you. i just looked through that photo album you gave me and i instantly cried. i cant tell you how much im sorry and how much i love you. everytime i think about you and how i fucked it all up, i cry. like a goddamn child. i love you too much and had too much to just let go so easily. i thought id be doing better than this. i cant help but to punish myself. at least i can get to work soon and take my mind off things a bit.

Current Mood: rejectedrejected

Leave a comment

purpleness83Apr. 18th, 2008 06:25 pm

Don't you think its about time we act like adults and bury the hatchet?

1 comment - Leave a comment

kismekiki17Mar. 31st, 2008 01:09 pm Kyle

Dear Kyle,

You came to me in my dream last night, well nightmare. I think it was saying we’re going to see each other again! If that is true this is what I’ll say to you! Don’t think you’re above me because you can get a thousand girls to screw you!  You are pathetic! You’re not very attractive all you got going for you is popularity cuz you sure aren’t a charmer… now just listen up! You can say what you want about me you can even take over my old friends. But I got something you never will and that’s the ability to treat people with respect and not like a piece of ass! So why don’t you just face it, you’re pathetic and if I see you again I don’t think I’ll even say these things because you, you’re not even worth a glance! 

1 comment - Leave a comment

examinateFeb. 7th, 2008 11:09 pm whaT DO U DO HERE?

 So I have the best life anyone could ever want, right? I have a perfect husband a wonderful son, and everything i've ever needed. But am I happy, no fuck no.  I am in love so hopelessly in love with my ex. why i don't know. It started growing up together i had the biggest crush on him. we graduated school and ran into eachother 2 yrs later. We hooked up numerous times. oh yeah i was the pimp! lol. Things got messed up b/c he didn't want a relationship. so i kinda moved on, fucking every now and then. There then came a day that he asked me to date him that he cared for me, i was like nope, I just got over the fact that i had a miscarriage (it was his). Emottionally i wasn't ready.  Then we continued hanging out and screwing some more. Then all of the sudden one day I woke up and realized i was in love. It was way too late by then. He wasn't interested in anymore than what we had. So i figured ok time to move on. We had sex for the last time in october of 2003. I didn't see him for awhile he was out of state for work. I met my husband and Started out pretty hot and heavy I totally fell hard. I forgot all about matt. Then 1 yr went by and we ran into eachother at an aquaintences house. Omg he looked so much better. we talked and hung out. I dreamt of him always. One night i went out and he was there again we started to screw around. and BAM i stopped i was like io can't do this. He was like why it never stopped u b4. ( I cheated in 95% of my past relationships with him) I was like i can't. we left it at that and i went home. Fast foward a couple months this is summer of 2005, we hung out alot never did anything just talk. At this point i told him about the whole miscarraige deal, he was like are you sure cuz i am not supposed to b able to have kids. I said 100% you were the only one i was sleeping with for 5 months. He kinda shrugged it off and moved on He begged me not to marry the guy i'm with he said you will regret it, we are meant to b together not you and him. I shook it off. I was too damn dependant on my fiancee at the time i was back in college and had lots of bills. I couldn't gamble this away for a maybe (stupid i know now) Next thing i knew i was pregnant and therefore stuck! Then married 1 yr later. So here i am obbsessing everyday over the one thing i cannot get over. He is now with someone pretty seriously, and just had a kid himself. i run into him every now and again and we still look at eachother with a mad crazy passion i will never forget. And everyday i debate what to do i love him so much i cannot take this unfinished. But yes i do love my husband, i love him deeply so my question is it possible to love 2 ppl at once? because i know i do. So where do i even start to sort this meass out i need help!

Leave a comment

loveheathJan. 12th, 2008 11:41 am

 Dear Ton,

        You called me the other day at work. You were drunk as usual, that is the only time you call. It's been two days now and i haven't heard from you. You owe me an apology. You owe me respect. You called to tell me it was all over, because your new girlfriend was now scared of you, and you had lied to her about being on probation. I have to say I told you so, because when we fight you tell me you want me to accept you for who you are, and I keep telling you it's not easy. You drink to much, you are an alcoholic, and you have anger issues because of everything that has happened to you. I tried for seven yrs. to help you, to change you as you say. I tried, I tried, I tried, I can't do it any more. We agreed- we both said we can't be together, it's to destructive.  I love you, but I don't like you. When you called me you said I was the one you wanted and when I suggested you call and apologize to your girlfriend you said you did not want her because she was not me.  Funny thing is when you sober up, I don't hear from you. When your sober you don't say that.  Your jealous because I am talking to someone else now, someone you know. You  threaten him not because you care about me, but because you are jealous, you don't want any one else to have me, but you don't want me either.  The funny thing is I would still give you another chance, why I don't know. Part of me feels sorry for you, part of me is selfish. I want to be writing you this and sending it to, but I know it will only lead to more pain and heart ache for me. I miss you, the you I thought you were, not the person you've become. I'm not getting any younger and I am going to be making alot of changes in my life in the next year. I am focusing on that now and it is not ok for you to call me at work and rip my heart open when you feel like shit. It's not ok, how can I move on when you won't let me. I know I should just hang up on you, but part of me enjoys hearing you in pain, knowing that you life is not as great as you try to make me think, makes me smile inside. :)


Current Mood: deviousdevious

Leave a comment

unreachable823Dec. 23rd, 2007 11:17 pm youve got me on a string


First of all, I can't believe I still love you 10 months later. I guess you were my first love.

I hate you. I hate you so much for sitting motionless as my heart broke in two and millions of tears streamed down my face. I hate how you can be so low and have no inkling of emotion towards someone who loves you for every flaw and imperfection you have. I hate how I still love you and how I dream about you almost every night. I hate waking up crying because of those dreams, and treating them as nightmares. I hate having to wake up and think of something else to dream about because I can't bear the pain of seeing you in my head. I hate still crying over you. I hate how I can't tell you how I really feel. I hate how you still want to "fuck" me but don't care about my heart or the person I am inside. I'M NOT THAT PERSON. I don't do that when I'm not in a relationship with someone. And even if I did, shouldn't you, my ex boyfriend who broke my heart, be the one person I don't go near? I hate how weak you make me. I hate how choked up I get thinking about you. I hate how different I thought you were. I hate how everyone told me you had become so different with me and I wasn't just a piece of ass. I hate that I loved you for a year and a half and in an instant it ended. I hate how I got so used to being next to you every night. I hate how when I wake up in the morning I don't see your face anymore. I hate how I feel like I don't have the strength to get over you. I hate how you're so far away. I hate how much I loved your mom. I hate how I would tease and say how much I hated a song you loved or a team you loved just to cause conflict. I hate how I fucked up. I hate how you use me now. I hate how I'm willing to wait all of my life for you. I hate how people say they understand but really have no idea what I go through. I hate how I can't tell you all of this in person for fear of what you might say. I hate how you call me when you're drunk and how I pick up just to hear your voice one more time. I hate how people say you don't deserve me. I hate how I know they're right. I hate how perfect our relationship was, because it makes watching it fail so much harder. I hate seeing so many people so happy together and wishing you were here again. I hate wishing I could go back to senior year to cherish that time more. I hate laying in bed watching a movie imagining you next to me. I hate reminiscing, but somehow I find a peace within and a smile as the outcome. I hate how this Christmas I won't be with you. I hate how I'll think of you anytime UF plays Alabama. I hate how your fraternity got in the way of so much but you ended up dropping it after we broke up. I hate how things haven't worked out.

I wish you would come back. I hope you still are. I pray for the strength to tell you everything I'm telling all these people who don't know the real me. I wonder if you still think of me. I cry when I hear your name. I fall to pieces every time because you aren't there to catch me. I know everything will work out for the best. I want it to be with you. I'll wait. Time makes it harder. Why am I going through this? I'll never forget you telling me ich lebe diche. I'll remember telling you tu ojos son mas bonitos. I hate not ever telling you what I meant. I hope you understand. I pray time will tell.

Yours, forever:


4 comments - Leave a comment

arsaiOct. 1st, 2007 09:20 pm

Dear Ex

You came into my life in a hurry, a flash; the fastest relationship beginning I could imagine. You arrived just as I was ending things with my last boyfriend, and you made me so happy. So happy.. I guess one really does describe what we had as a summer fling, but you manipulated that idea.
You spoke of the future, weeks, months, years ahead. You spoke of how I made you happier than anyone else, you cried as you talked about your past of cheating on girls, vowing never to do it to me. You had me to multiple family dinners, you cooked for me, told me your family loved me, always wanted to be with me.
You brought me coffee in the mornings, and were jealous of the kids I was a camp counsellor to because it seemed I liked them more. You shared your insecurities, your feelings, thoughts- your life. And I loved you for it.

I loved you, despite you being in your third year of grade 12, for being almost 19 with no real future, a stoner, a drug dealer, a guy reputed for cheating on every girl he sees, a boy with no real value system; I still put all that aside, decided to give you a chance, just because you were investing so much into something so few people had any faith in.

Imagine how crushed I was to come back from a family vacation, throughout which your ex-girlfriend had returned home to our city, to find out, via text message that you don't want it anymore.

I guess I should have figured, but regardless, I was crushed.
I have this way of looking at the guys who shut me down and liking them more than the guys I leave behind.

It took me until last week to make one of my friends take your school picture and plane letter from my room, and to delete you from facebook. I don't want to love you, I don't deserve you.

I deserve better.

You lied, you cheated; you made me feel so good about myself then took it all away.
I hope someday your ways will change, and that you grow up and graduate highschool, that you stop lying and find something to truly devote yourself to, not just in words- but in heart and soul too.

Thanks for being fun, it was a shame it didn't last longer

Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: My Tears Dry On Their Own- Amy Winehouse

Leave a comment

thereallizfreshSep. 29th, 2007 07:30 pm

Dear Kevin,

April second was the most confusing day of my life. Who knew liquid eyeliner could run THAT much. That was possibly the worst day of my life. I take that back. But still. You just called and said "I think we need to stop seeing each other, we don't spend enough time together. I'm sorry." then you hung up. Honestly, what's that?! You can't be sorry about breaking up with someone. You can't regret it. But you can regret kissing them the night you met them. Like you did. You shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. We should have never existed. But I was young, and I thought that love was real and that happy endings weren't just for people who didn't want them. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. I was wrong about you. And it bit me in the ass in the end. Maybe this is my fault. Maybe it's not. I don't think it even matters anymore. Because all that I do sometimes is turn on our song, lay in my bed, and cry thinking about you. And that's not fair to me. Don't I deserve to move on...

Leave a comment

brokenxxboriquaSep. 12th, 2007 06:18 am x0x: Dear Ex..

Dear Ex,

            You've been on my mind these couple of days like never before. I was checking through my laptop and found so many pictures of you and me. I chose to post some up, just for the sake of our pass memory's. You know I said I don't love you, I hate you, and so much more. But to be honest I don't know what I feel anymore, all the feeling have mix in to a big ball of confusion. I still have so much questions, that will never be answered. I could find out about you, I could call family, friends in Puerto Rico and find out what your up to. But I chose not to, because as much as I want to know, I couldn't bear to know your anything but miserable. It would kill me, break me, crush me to know your ok, without me. So I'll keep loving you, hating you, crying for you, wishing for you, longing for you, until this heart burst open leaving no more space to love you any longer.

                                                           Love always and forever,

                                                            Tu Reina 

Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Current Music: (When You Say You Love Me) by Josh Groban

Leave a comment

lovesign89Aug. 5th, 2007 09:13 am

Mary, I still love you and I miss you very much. But I am angry!!! After you left me for another man once and it didn't work out, I stupidly and nievely took you back. We got engaged and everything seemed to be going good. Until three months ago, and you did it again.

My love for you is still there, but the pain and hurt are still as fresh today as they were the day of our last phone conversation. I could get even. I could beat your new man unrecognizable. But what would that accomplish? I would still hurt and I would still miss you. Instead, I feel sorry for him. Because I know you are a whore and a hustler and you are just using him. One day you will hustle the wrong guy and you will get hurt or killed because of it. I hope not, but that is the unevitable path you are going down.

But mostly...I feel sorry for you Mary. You will never find love until you love yourself. And I know you don't love yourself. You love money more than anything. Friends and family members have left your life Mary. And now, you have pushed away the one person who accepted you. The one who knew everything about your past and the things you have done, and fell in love you in spite of that. And I do love you Mary. We could have had a wonderful life together, but for some reason you ran away. You are always running Mary, ever since you were a child, and with good reason. But you have to stop running! I am here Mary, and I still love you. Trust me, and come see me and lets talk. You have to trust somebody in your life, why not the one who loves you and was ALWAYS there for you. You know this is true.

4 comments - Leave a comment

Back a Page - Forward a Page